A Squirrel & A Struggle

Ritchie the Squirrel, (or at least that's what we call about every squirrel we see on our back porch) has been coming around a lot lately. Yesterday I saw him, brazen as could be...trying to eat some bird seed or jump into one of my potted plants. I'm not sure what he was doing. I got out my camera to try and capture his mischievous behavior. He saw me taking these pictures through the window. I can't quite figure out if I like him or not. On one hand, he's kind of cute, but on the other hand, he's a little rat...ha ha...and I do NOT like rats! LOL...

Anyway...here are some pictures....

But before you look at them I want to say how hard it is for me to post some of these. Okay...just bear with me for a minute. I don't tend to share a lot of my struggles or deep personal feelings on my blog. It's a very vulnerable place to be, but it's time to come clean. I know that some of you know this about me already, but one of my major battles in life is wanting to be perfect and wanting things to be perfect and situations, and EVERYTHING.

I know..."Hello??? Reality Check! Life is not perfect and neither am I." So, why do I try so hard? I mean, don't we all struggle with this to some extent? We might worry what people are going to think: will they judge us, not like us, make fun of us? All of these things go through my mind and sometimes not even consciously...so it's easier to "pretend" that I have it all together, because what if people really knew how messed up I am?

Perfect example...these pictures. I took them and uploaded them to my computer. Oh, disgrace!!! Tsk, Tsk...what a mess! Look at the bird seed and the mud splattered flower pot...and the green algae on the porch...and the leaves in the flower pot (note: this part is intentional - I use it as a sort of mulch or insulation for the cold weather)...

Anyway...I look at these photos and think, oh man, why would I want to post those? People are going to think I'm a lazy slob. I should get out there and clean up that mess! Then I want to justify why it looks the way it looks...so I can say, it rains a lot...the birds make a mess, I live in Oregon, so we get a lot of green stuff growing everywhere...All of these things are true, but why do I even have to state this? I think it's because I don't want you to think any less of me or think I'm lazy, a slob, etc. etc. etc.

Really...does any of this matter? In the light of eternity and all of the things in the world that are so devastating? I know, I'm rambling on and on...but where do I draw that line between wanting things looking nice without crossing over to obsessive perfection?

Can anyone relate? I hope so...but then again, if you can't, that's okay...I am learning to accept my imperfections, because I know that ONLY God is perfect.

Phew...okay, now you may look...and if you think those things about me, that's okay...cause you know what? I am tired of wanting everyone's approval...(Really? Did I just say that? I don't want to sound callous...I just want to be who God wants me to be.)

I told you he was brazen...See how he's looking straight into the camera, as if he were saying, "Go ahead, try me."

Oh, yes...one of the dreaded, messy, ugly pictures...

I must confess, I will probably go out there and clean up the mess, cause it's REALLY bugging me!!! LOL...I know...I'm a bit strange...but I am fine with that. Really...

Happy day! Be kind to others and to yourself!

hi-d